green honu in maui

green honu in maui
the search for the light above...

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

empty chocolate hearts are full of surprises

the love that fills my calloused heart, much like
that dark, empty shell of chocolate on valentine's day,
filled with nothing but that which is considered to be
the best of intentions, a display of my love for you...

...my love for you, selfish - it turns out
to be, for what i thought was best for you
was completely the opposite - it was
the best for me, and so you suffer...

...and so you suffer, and so do i, for my tragic
affection proves its way out of line, without
ever even realizing the mistake in process, only
later, so i truly apologize and ask for your forgiveness...

~repus
3:14:12 @ 12:46am

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

your effect on me


it may be raining, but the falling drops 
from heaven warm this cold and lonely soul
while the cloudy, grey sky is pierced
by a single, pure ray of golden light,
and this is her love shining down on me,
as a second and third hole come blazing through
the ominous weight of the world, like slugs
from cupid's nickel plated .45 desert eagle, each
finding its own proper place in this puzzle i've
become; one by one, they continue to come,
turning me into the illuminated one amongst
the shadows of this overcast darkness.
in the blink of an eye, change becomes me,
reflecting the radiating, yet intoxicating,
luster of universal love upon every single
dirty thing, unifying by cleansing the devil's claw
with a feather from an angel's wing...
 
 
~repus
3:6:12 @ 02:00

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

oh my goth, i'm so depeche...:



"It's No Good"


I'm going to take my time
I have all the time in the world
To make you mine
It is written in the stars above
The gods decree
You'll be right here by my side
Right next to me
You can run, but you cannot hide

Don't say you want me
Don't say you need me
Don't say you love me
It's understood
Don't say you're happy
Out there without me
I know you can't be
'cause it's no good

I'll be fine
I'll be waiting patiently
Till you see the signs
And come running to my open arms
When will you realize
Do we have to wait till our worlds collide
Open up your eyes
You can't turn back the tide

Don't say you want me
Don't say you need me
Don't say you love me
It's understood
Don't say you're happy
Out there without me
I know you can't be
'cause it's no good

I'm going to take my time
I have all the time in the world
To make you mine
It is written in the stars above

Don't say you want me
Don't say you need me
Don't say you love me
It's understood
Don't say you're happy
Out there without me
I know you can't be
'cause it's no good

Monday, February 27, 2012

how to wake up with a smile

when i get cold and feel alone,
like someone without a home,
i think of you, begin to thaw,
and before i know it, i am warm
enough to live, enough to love,
much like a hand inside a glove,
cause you're the angel of my light,
from my heaven up above;
so shine down right on top of me,
a flame that only i can see,
to keep me warm through this night,
till the sun comes up in the morning...

Friday, February 24, 2012

if you build it, it will come

13,050 days have passed
since i took my very first breath
in this lifetime, and somehow,
i've always felt alone.
it doesn't matter how many surround,
as i begin to get claustrophobic,
so fear begins to take over
and that is when all is lost...

13,050 days have passed
since i began my search
for something to make me feel whole,
complete and that i simply belong,
all the while losing perspective
of the simple fact
that this feeling comes from within
each and every one of us,  individually...

13,050 days have passed
that i will never, ever get back,
and though those days are not necessarily lost,
they simply are my honest past,
so from this day forward
i do ever so truly vow
to love and live in every moment,
in every here and every now...

~repus
2.24.12 @ 22:48

Thursday, February 23, 2012

just a little bit longer...

during the epileptic seizure inducing flashing of lights, bowel moving sounds, blazing plumes of fire and thunderous booms, i was gifted with the ability to witness the most gorgeous smile grace that angelic face of yours, over, and over again.  it was like a psychedelic circus on speed, complete with midgets wearing spandex, make up and big hair, dancers twirling in the air and a roller coaster that provided much more than just a ride.  we were engulfed by hordes of fanatic people, but you were the only one i knew, and the only one i cared to know, for the rest were simply blocked out of my mind...

it all seemed so real; i felt so alive and happy, especially when i was pleasantly surprised with a few little, unexpected kisses in perfection succession: one, two, three. i remember realizing i was having an extremely lucid moment, as everything felt like it was finally in all the right places.  i remember the look in your eyes, the texture of your hair and the tenderness of your lips as the beat of my heart began to rush, faster and harder, while this deafening roar was overwhelmingly pounding in my eardrums, harder and louder, and then, from out of this stroke like feeling, the light once again came bleeding me back into reality...

i still refuse to wipe the sleep from my eyes, as this was absolutely the best dream i have had in quite some time now, and even though i wish i would have never awoken from it, i feel blessed to have this precious memory of us that will never fade away, into, or out of those spotlights.  for as surely as those beautiful moments will follow me to my grave, they will also chase me to sleep every single night in the hopes that i can pick it back up when that rest finally befalls upon me...


~repus
2:24:12@12:12...

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

spilt beans or milk...?!?!

i'm having a bit of a hard time, as my friend's dog got 7 staples sometime around the time my plane was landing; of course the vet said it wasn't a bite from phoenix, but more of a tear from somewhere yet unknown, so it still bothers me. plus they got me a parking ticket at like 3:40am on the 20th, which they are going to help me pay, but i don't know how much yet...

on top of that, i came hope to a filthy house that almost made me puke from the wretched smell coming from the garbage that was almost overflowing, not to mention both sides of the sink full of dishes from(?) a time i'm unsure of, but i know which roommate it is - dan. he never came home last night, and his dog busted through the screen door again! so i sent him a text saying we need to talk about everything, plus MUCH more than this, like the fact that i cleaned the whole house before i left, which was his shit to begin with...

he just came by long enough to shower, feed his dog and get clothes until he can get a car, which he said may be the end of the week, and that he'd like to wait to talk about everything until then, but he at least cleaned up what was in the sink before he left, thank god.  it might be the best thing, because i am completely beside myself right now and i would probably not be able to keep my composure at this point.  i wish i had someone to talk to, so i apologize for using this space to do it, but i promise to bring it all back around at the end, which is something i haven't done in quite a while, so PLEASE stick with me...

i need a better me, so i can be better for you, and anyone else that i can reach, but i can never be anything to anyone else if i am nothing or nobody to myself, and i don't even know who i am or what to do right now. so i feel this is a MAJOR step in the direction i need to be going, as i've learned the hard way to trust my intuitions...

i can't eat.
i can't sleep.
i can't think straight.

BUT

i can change.
i can be strong.
i can eventually be anything.

i will write more.
i will shoot more film.
i will play more music.
i will take more pictures.
i will learn to edit all of the above,
as i rise above this rut i've been in.


i am looking for a new place to live.
i am looking for a more reliable car.
i'm changing my thoughts.
i'm changing me,
so that i can finally find the real me,
which is where my happiness truly resides,
so i can fulfill what i'm supposed to be doing -
trying my best to make this world a better place,
much like yourself, believe it or not...

i can see a natural radiance in you that i don't believe you recognize in yourself.  you deserve more credit from MANY others, including yourself, as you are gorgeous from within, which is a VERY rare thing these days, and it hurts me to see you lose sight of that, which is why i am here - to remind my muse that she IS beautiful in every humanly way possible, as nobody is perfect, but you are to me, and ALWAYS will be...

so, i'll leave this with another song that i believe expresses that thought better than i can at this exact moment; be sure to read the words, as they are meant for all of us, but ESPECIALLY you and i......:


skin




change is not only good, but inevitable...

my mac turns on so far, thank god(s), and i will
be sending it to their techs tomorrow to hopefully
repair any damage that was done during
that time i've been gone from here.  since i was
here last, i've done nothing but dream of your happiness,
and even got to see it in different places and times, in what
seems like a dream now. what may this dream become?
i'll try to watch that movie again, as it reminds me of you...

i miss talking to you everyday, no matter how brief it was
before this gap appeared here, and can only hope
and pray that i get this machine back in one piece so i can
continue to remind you daily of how special you are to me,
as you are one of a kind, a VERY special kind that deserves
nothing more than the best of everything, especially
those littlest things that seem to count the most in life...

i learned that i need to take better care of myself
as well during this time, and have decided to make
some important changes to improve the me that
my muse understands best.  i was foolish not to do
what i was supposed to be doing while i was gone,
and fear i may have i lead you astray in the process,
but i know you know me better than i do, and already
understand where i'm not only where i'm coming from,
but also going with this...

part of my changes are the cause of these technical
issues in my life right now - i need to follow directions
better, focus on more positive things that make me
happy, like writing in here to you, and to remember to
take deep breaths and calm down; to inhale
the light and to exhale the dark.  hopefully i will be
getting this machine back asap, so i can elaborate
on the dreams i had during the gap between this
and my last post on here, but do me a favor
and PLEASE watch/reread my last post, because
even if it is a song i didn't write, it perfectly explains
how i feel about this gap, and i cannot wait for you
to see my reflections of the dreams i had during
this "break", as well as the one below...

until then, just know that i am, and will always be here
for you, much more clear headed and cannot wait to speak
w/one of the lights that truly brighten up my this life of mine.

---


i remember you


by:
skid row


Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
The wind would whisper and I'd think of you
And all the tears you cried, that called my name
And when you needed me I came through

I paint a picture of the days gone by
When love went blind and you would make me see
I'd stare a lifetime into your eyes
So that I knew you were there for me
Time after time you were there for me

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you

We spend the summer with the top rolled down
Wished ever after would be like this
You said I love you babe, without a sound
I said I'd give my life for just one kiss
I'd live for your smile and die for your kiss

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you

We've had our share of hard times
But that's the price we paid
And through it all we kept the promise that we made
I swear you'll never be lonely

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
Washed away a dream of you
But nothing else could ever take you away
'Cause you'll always be my dream come true
Oh my darling, I love you

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you



Monday, February 13, 2012

strange how a week can appear to be a lifetime...



without you






Without you, there's no change
My nights and days are grey
If I reached out and touched the rain
It just wouldn't feel the same
Without you, I'd be lost
I'd slip down from the top
I'd slide down so low
Girl you'd never, never know...
Without you, without you
A sailor lost at sea
Without you, woman 
The world comes down on me...
Without you in my life
I'd slowly wilt and die
But with you by my side
You're the reason I'm alive
But with you in my life
You're the reason I'm alive
But without you, without you...
Without you, my hope is small
Let me be me all along
You let the fires rage inside
Knowing someday I'd grow strong...
Without you, without you
A sailor lost at sea
Without you, woman 
The world comes down on me...

Without you in my life
I'd slowly wilt and die
But with you by my side
You're the reason I'm alive
But with you in my life
You're the reason I'm alive
But without you, without you...
I could face a mountain
But I could never climb alone
I could start another day
But how many, just don't know
You're the reason the sun shines down
And the nights, they don't grow cold
Only you that I'll hold when I'm young
Only you, as we grow old...
Without you in my life
I'd slowly wilt and die
But with you by my side
You're the reason I'm alive
But with you in my life
You're the reason I'm alive
But without you, without you...

as long...

as i have you in my life, there is
nothing i cannot do, for i can overcome
anything that comes my way, be it good
or bad, it does not matter, as you are the light
that brightens up my life, causing me to
look up and recognize the beauty...



~repus
2:13:12@11:11

Sunday, February 12, 2012

today was...

a rough day to find much beauty in, so i'll just go this route...

pua, such a confused soul, just
wanted to play, but lost control; she
slipped away from us last night to
bathe in the healing, white light - free...

rip, pua...

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Friday, February 10, 2012

somethings i can always keep

when the thought of you crosses my mind,
a smile dances across my face,
sometimes i will lose my breath
as my eyes begin to dilate,
while goosebumps race over my skin,
causing my hair to stand up straight,
so i start to slip into a dream
from which i will not want to wake,
of the two of us, with no one else,
skies of blue and seas of green,
no distractions of any sort,
beauty encompassing everything;
and as i pray for this to never end,
when fairytales are coming true-
something snaps me back to life,
but i always retain these thoughts of you...

~repus
2:10:12@23:46

Thursday, February 9, 2012

in an attempt to become a better...

i seem to have found something to be missing in my life currently, and that would be my focus and perspective of beauty in this world as whole, so i am going to do my best to write, at the VERY least, something new to you, my muse, everyday, as well as experience with all of my other mediums in the process.  i have too many negative thoughts, which is where a majority of my "work" has derived from, so, in an attempt to pull an about face, i've decided to dedicate this space to a better place for us all, as this is my inevitable change...:

mahalo, and aloha,
~repus

p.s.  i REALLY do appreciate criticism, ESPECIALLY if it's constructive, so if anyone else out there likes, hates, agrees, disagrees, etc. with any of my (he)art, PLEASE set up an account, as they are free, not to mention a GREAT way to release anything that's been pent up inside of you for a bit too long, and comment on what your thoughts and/or feelings may be about my stuff, and i promise i'll even return the favor, heh; have a GREAT day...!